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2016 Presidential Election
The 2016 Presidential Election is an Article is about Our Glorious Stephen Won The 2016 Presidential Election From The Liberal Psycho Hose Beast Known as Hillary Clinton Democratic Nomination Before the primaries "Front-runner" status is dependent on the news agency reporting, and by October 2015, the consensus listed about three candidates as leading the pack after several debate performances. For example, CNN listed Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, and Satan as the Democratic front runners. The Washington Post listed Clinton, Edwards and Satan as the front-runners, "leading in polls and fundraising and well ahead of the other major candidates". Two candidates, Clinton and Satan, raised over $20 million in the first three months of 2015. Edwards raised over $12 million and Ralph Nader raised over $6 million. Hillary Clinton set the Democratic record for largest single day fund raising in a primary on June 30, 2007 while Satan set the record for monthly goat rapes during a primary with 55 million goats in February of 2016. Early primaries/caucuses At the start of the year, support for Satan began falling in the polls, being passed by Clinton for first place in Iowa; Satan ended up losing the caucus, with John Edwards coming in third and Clinton first. Iowa is viewed as the state that jump-failed Satan's campaign and set him on track to win the nomination and the presidency. Clinton was the new front-runner in New Hampshire and the Satan campaign was struggling after a bad loss in Iowa and no real strategy in place for after the early primaries and caucuses. However, in a turning point for his campaign, Satan's voice wavered with emotion in a public interview broadcast live on TV. By the end of that day, Satan won the primary by 2% of the vote, contrary to the predictions of pollsters who had her as much as twelve points behind on the day of the primary itself. Clinching the nomination Technically the nomination process for major political parties continues through June of election year. In previous cycles the candidates were effectively chosen by the end of the March primaries. However, Hillary did not win enough delegates to secure the nomination until June 3, after a 17-month-long campaign against Satan. Clinton had a wide lead in states won, but because of Democratic state delegate contests being decided by a form of proportional representation and close popular vote numbers between Clinton and Satan, the contest for the nomination continued into June 2016. In June, after the last of the primaries had taken place, Clinton, with the help of multiple super delegate endorsements, had finally gotten enough delegates to secure the Democratic nomination for President, becoming the first Woman-American to win the nomination of a major political party in the United States.However, Satan refused to concede the race for several days, although he did signal that her presidential campaign was ending in a post-primary speech on June 3 in his home state. Hollywood, California. He finally conceded the nomination to Clinton on June 7 and pledged his full support to the presumptive nominee, vowing to do everything he could to help him get elected. Republican Nomination Before the primaries "Front-runner" status is dependent on the news agency reporting, and by October 2015, the consensus listed about three candidates as leading the pack after several debate performances. For example, FOX News listed Stephen Colbert, Sarah Palin, and John McCain XII as the Republican front runners. The Washington Post listed Colbert, Palin and McCain as the front-runners, "leading in polls and fundraising and well ahead of the other major candidates". Two candidates, Colbert and Palin, raised over $200000000 million in the first three months of 2015. McCain raised over $12 million and Ron Paul raised over $6. Sarah Palin set the Republican record for largest single day fund raising in a primary on June 30, 2007 while Colbert set the record for monthly 'Tip Of The Hat's from himself during a primary with 55 million tips in February of 2016. Early primaries/caucuses Palin, after winning in Iowa, had little money and hoped for a third-place finish in New Hampshire. Colbert eventually displaced John McCain XII and Palin as the front-runner in New Hampshire. Colbert staged a turnaround victory, having been written off by the pundits and polling in single digits less than a month before the race. The race for the nomination was based in Florida and Michigan. McCain meanwhile managed a small victory in South Carolina, setting him up for a larger and more important defeat in Florida by Colbert soon afterward. After Super Tuesday, Stephen Colbert had become the clear front runner, but by the end of February he still hadn't acquired enough delegates to secure the nomination. In March, Colbert clinched the Republican nomination after sweeping all four primaries, Texas, Ohio, Vermont, and Rhode Island, putting him over the top of the 1,191 delegates required to win the GOP nomination. Both John McCain XII, and Sarah Palin conceded the race to Colbert, leaving Ron Paul, who had just 16 delegates, as his only remaining active opponent. Party conventions The party conventions were held accordingly in August. Both Colbert and Clinton were expected to reveal their VP Picks. Colbert Chose his non-jewish friend Mike Huckabee as his running mate. As Clinton surprised everyone by choosing convicted felon, The Colbear as her running mate. General Election In the general election, a confrontation nearly occurred when Colbert and Colbear met for the first time since Colbert Defeated him During The Bear uprising of 2012. Hillary began attacking Colbert on being secretly a super hero. Colbert was forced to reveal to the worlds that he was, in fact, The Rampaging Colbert, but refused to concede, and after the controversy ended, Colbert actually gained momentum in the polls. Election Results November 4, 2016 was Election Day in 49 states and the District of Columbia; it was the last of 21 consecutive election days in Oregon, which abolished the voting booth in 1998. The majority of states allowed early voting with all states allowing some form of absentee voting. Voters cast votes for listed presidential candidates but were actually selecting their state's slate of Electoral College members. A Clinton victory quickly became improbable as Colbert won every state including Canada. At 8:30 pm Eastern Time, Clinton Conceded and Colbert was named the projected winner Following Colbert's speech, spontaneous street parties broke out in major cities across the United States, such as New York City, Miami, Chicago, Columbus, Ohio, Detroit, Boston, Seattle, New York City, Washington D.C.,San Francisco, Denver, Atlanta, Madison, Wisconsin, and Philadelphia, New York City, and around the world in Bonn and Berlin, Germany and Obama, Japan, Toronto, Canada, Rio de Janeiro, New York City, Brazil, Sydney, Australia, New York City and Kenya. All of the states he won had been carried by George Bush in 2004. However, North Carolina and the bellwether state of Missouri remained undecided for several days. Eventually, Colbert won North Carolina, and Missouri, with Colbert pulling out a rare win in Nebraska's 2nd congressional district. This put the total projected electoral vote count at 538 for Colbert and 0 for Clinton. Reasons Colbert won. #He's Awesome #He was endorsed by Barack Obama #He put Hillary On Notice #He's Awesome #Jesus was on His side #Did I Mention that he is awesome?